Strong and Ill

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There are bigger things at play in the world than MS. And than cycling.

In the last few weeks my extended group of friends has seen tragedy, and births – so I write this somewhat cautiously, wondering whether there should be room on the internet for such trivia; but the latest developments in my MS are interesting (or perplexing) enough to be worth sharing.

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Every month my bike club does a Hill Climb Challenge – with members recording timed ascents of a nominated road around Bristol. The proper racers, finely tuned machines that they are, tend to eshew this format to focus on actual events. but, for hacks like me, it provides a (very) light-hearted bit of competition. In January, I was the fastest rider (for the first time since early 2015). I hadn’t been doing too many miles, and felt as though I had more of a kick in my cycling legs than I’ve had for awhile. Towards the end of the month, I then did a couple of longer weekend rides: firstly, a tentative one; then more confidently. Last week, I rode a “100”, non-stop (apart from a couple of punctures). I’m not going to get the fastest time this month, but I set a respectable mark that others will need to try if they’re going to beat….

But I don’t type the above to show off – believe me when I say I’m beaten enough to know how slow I ride compared to actual athletes, (I still remember trying to join a Bristol-based chain gang of road cyclists 3 weeks in a row… and riding a cumulative distance of about 500 metres before I was dropped by the group…) No – I type the above because it sets the scene as to how fit I feel at the moment. In summary, for the first time since late last summer, I feel strong on my bike; and I’ve long used my cycling-health as a barometer for my MS-health. MS symptoms – muscle fatigue or shakes; and numbness or pins and needles slow me down; their absence speeds me up.

How odd then that I also now feel too ill to work.

Psychologically I would say that I feel “upbeat” –  “chipper” even. When my early alarm sounded this morning, I felt well rested and ready for the day.

But I can’t see properly.

My vision is disorientated and confused. I’m trying to type numbers onto gridlines on a computer but can’t get them in the right rows.

I am happily sitting through meetings at work, feeling pretty buoyant, but, as has been an longstanding symptom, I am struggling to hold a pen dextrously enough to write notes.

It’s confusing.

It’s “optical neuritis”.

The advice is that is ‘usually’ passes, or diminishes, after 3-5 weeks. But 3% of MS patients go on to experience temporary or permanent blindness…. The last time I had it, I recall it lasting about a month before it gradually subsided. But, for now, I’m back to stalling at work; attending meetings instead of typing results; and booking half-days…

Strangely though, I feel quite happy – pleased that I’m racing around on my bike. Not sure if this credits my cycling as a valuable crutch; or suggests that my life priorities are utterly wrong – you certainly don’t get paid much cycling at my pace….

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